Children of the Sun
by Polly Oliver
Summary: After a diplomatic mission to Gorn goes south, Spock displays some uncharacteristic emotions. KirkxSpock, obviously, with some SpockxUhura and unrequited McCoyxKirk. Eventually other pairings as well, perhaps. I'm working on incorporating more action.
1. Chapter 1

"But Bones," Jim said, "this is Spock! He's not even supposed to _have _feelings, much less illogical feelings for someone other than his girlfriend! Much less, I should add, for his fucking captain! I thought we were friiiiiiiends!" Jim most certainly did not whine that last. Kirks did not whine.

"Kid," Bones said (he always called Jim that when he thought Jim was being a drama queen. Which he was not.), "You're overreacting. So Spock is acting a little—emotionally—toward you. He is half human, after all. And you're always complaining that he needs to loosen up a bit. Isn't this a good thing?"

"No. No it is absolutely not a good thing. I want _my _Spock back."

"So he's _your _Spock now, is he?" laughed Bones. "Now who's having feelings?"

"You know what I mean," said Jim. "I may complain about Spock being a humorless hardass with the emotional range of a—well, a Vulcan—but that's how I like him. Hell, I've got enough emotions for the both of us—I'll admit it. We're complementary. We're a team."


	2. Chapter 2

"Vulcans do not 'high five,' Captain."

"Come on, it's easy. I'll demonstrate. Ah…Bones! Wait, Bones? What are you even doing on the bridge?"

"I came to tell you that—"

"Never mind, you're here. Bones, give me a high five! Don't leave me hanging!"

Reluctantly, the doctor slapped his hand against Jim's.

"There! See, that's all there is to it, Spock. Now, give me a high five! We just kicked some major Gorn diplomatic ass, so we deserve it."

Spock just stared at Jim's outstretched hand.

"Come on, Spock! It's just a high five. Pleeeeease?" Jim put on his best puppy dog eyes and pouted slightly. He doubted it would work on a Vulcan, but hey, it was worth a try.

Spock looked at Jim, then back at Jim's hand, and slowly stretched his arm out to place his hand against Jim's. The sensation as they touched was peculiar, as if Jim was palming a lit light bulb. Higher Vulcan body heat, he supposed. It was most definitely not a high five.

"Well, that's close enough," Jim said, breaking the awkward silence that had descended as he and Spock touched hands. He forced a laugh, and let his hand drop. Spock did likewise, and turned back to his station.

There was no more unnecessary speech between the two of them for the rest of the shift.


	3. Chapter 3

Jim sat down to write Ambassador Spock—Old Spock, as he thought of him, though he would never tell him that—a message about the situation. He just sat at his desk awkwardly for several long minutes before he finally began composing. When he was done, the first draft looked like this:

Ambassador Spock, [it read]

Greetings. I'm afraid this missive is going to be a little awkward for both of us. My Commander Spock is behaving...strangely...toward me, as of late. I was, as you may have heard, held captive on Gorn for seven days by a fringe group looking to make a deal with the Federation. While I attempted to short-circuit their crude—but effective [Kirk's pride required him to add this]—prison, Spock negotiated for my release. He was successful, but by then I had developed severe heatstroke from prolonged exposure to the heat of Gorn's never-setting sun. I was unconscious by the sixth day, and near death by the seventh. It's all fine now; Bones is a miracle worker and all that—was he the same in your universe? Was he as crotchety?—but the strange thing was how Spock reacted. Apparently, he left command to Lieutenant Sulu while he skulked around sickbay, for all but the last shift that I was there, unconscious, when McCoy finally yelled at him to go back to his duties and stop bothering him. He was still on duty by the time I woke up. When he found out that I had regained consciousness without Bones informing him, he was blazingly angry. I could tell by the way you could see the whites all the way around his eyes, though he didn't raise his voice. My question is, Whence this emotion? So if you have any insights, that would be super.

Regards,  
>Jim Kirk<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

"And I, you," said Spock distractedly.

"Do you, really," asked Nyota.

Spock turned around. "Of course. Is it not apparent?"

"Then say it. Say it straight out. I want to be convinced."

Spock fixed her with a steady, penetrating gaze. "I love you, Nyota," he said. She could see him trying to discern the reason for her demand, the logic behind her question.

"No," she sighed, finally. "You don't." She looked away, crossed her arms over her chest.

"This is highly illogical," said Spock. "I have just asserted that I do love you. How can you claim to know my," here he paused, "feelings, better than I do?"

"Because I'm human, Spock," said Nyota. "Humans have surprisingly accurate intuition regarding the emotions of others. And you...you have no idea what love is. I can tell you don't. You're all logic—or almost. And that is _not_meant as a compliment."

"I can see that it is not," said Spock slowly. "However, I disagree with you on the matter of my knowing what love is. According to all the definitions I have heard, I do love you. Your presence pleases me, as do many of the qualities you possess, such as your thoughts, your voice, and your appearance. Our minds are compatible. When we speak, it is nearly always harmoniously, yet we still challenge each other. You fascinate me in ways that few other beings do. Additionally, I enjoy our physical relationship."

Nyota sighed. "What you just described was friendship plus attraction. Love is much more intangible than that. And not always harmonious. It defies definition. You really haven't the first idea about what love really is, do you?"

Spock stiffened. "On the contrary, Nyota. As you should know, I loved my mother exceedingly."

"I'm not your mother, Spock! And it's not the same!" She shook her head. "Not at all. I can't believe I'm saying this, but Spock…I need some space."

"I am unfamiliar with that expression. Pleas explain," said Spock evenly.

"It means I'm terminating our relationship temporarily. I need the kind of emotional support you can't give."

Spock's mouth compressed into a thin line; he looked dangerously close to expressing an emotion. "This is not logical. You knew at the outset that I was a Vulcan, and inclined not to experience, or to desire to experience, emotion. Additionally, were we not proceeding most pleasantly until this conversation? We have always 'gotten along,' as you might say. Your arguments have no solid foundation; they rely not on facts but on—"

"I don't want to hear it. I'm aware that I'm being illogical—but in the best way, I'm being entirely logical. This way I have time to sort out my feelings. Feelings which I possess, and you…do not."

Spock said nothing for a moment, just stared at her crossly, as though she was an equation he couldn't solve. It made her somewhat unhappy. As she was about to break the silence and excuse herself, however, he asked her, "Why? What decided this, if I may know?"

"Oh," she said. "Can't you see? This last mission, I could tell you cared more about the captain's well-being than mine. Not only that, but you seemed...attuned to each other, in ways that we never have been."

"But he is the captain," said Spock, almost plaintively. "I am required to care for his well-being above personal concerns. Furthermore—"

"Personal concerns? Is that what I am? Never mind, it's okay. Well, no it isn't, really. But it will be, and I'm leaving now." She turned and exited Spock's quarters, the doors swishing shut behind her.

"Furthermore," said Spock, quite uselessly, as though she were still present, " is it not optimal that the captain and I be 'attuned' to one another, in order that we might perform more admirably as a command team?"

There was no reply: the doors were silent.


	5. Chapter 5

Jim sent another message to Ambassador Spock. It was brief, and read:

Update: Spock and Uhura are having relationship problems. I got it from Bones, who got drunk with Uhura last night. Didn't I tell you something was up?

Jim Kirk


	6. Chapter 6

Something happens.


	7. Chapter 7

The much-anticipated missive from Ambassador Spock arrived only a day later.

Jim, [it read]

I am sorry to hear of your recent troubles on your diplomatic mission to Gorn. I had not been informed of them by the time I received your message, though I have certainly been debriefed in the meantime. Although I am glad to hear of your release, I am concerned at the pattern I notice among the reports of the away missions in which you participate. Were you aware that 62.35% of them involve the threat of death to you or a member of your crew? That is highly unusual for a ship like the Enterprise. I admit no surprise at this; it was much the same in my universe, with my Jim Kirk. However, I see it as my responsibility to advise you to take the necessary precautions next time, at least with regard to protection against the elements.

As for the substance of your message, I will say very little, other than that your concerns about your first officer are not unwarranted, though perhaps not in the way that you think. While I might be able to shed some light on the behavior of my counterpart, I must respect his privacy. If he has not chosen to disclose his motives to you, that is his right. It is, however, a surprise to me that he was ever in a relationship with Lieutenant Uhura. Vulcans do not normally "date" outside of a marriage bond.

Warm regards,

Spock


	8. Chapter 8

Spock sat down at his terminal the next night to work on a treatise he was writing in regards to pre-Reform Vulcan poetry. Of the many messages waiting for him before he could move on to that, he noticed one in particular, not for its urgency, but because it was from New Vulcan. Curious, he opened it.

Commander Spock, [it read]

I must admit that I am slightly unnerved to be writing to someone who is, in essence, my former self, but I have come to realize that in practice we are different people, for reasons that I need not make clear to you. We do, however, share many traits. It is with this in mind that I offer myself up to you for advice.

Captain Kirk informs me that you and Lieutenant Uhura are having "relationship problems." Prior to this, I was unaware that you and she were romantically involved. This was never the case in my universe. I am not sure if it is an invasion of your privacy to ask, but might I take the liberty of inquiring what the nature of these problems is?

Best wishes,  
>Ambassador Spock<p>

Spock let this sink in for approximately 3.6 seconds, then began composing a reply.

Ambassador Spock, [it read]

It seems that gossip travels around the galaxy very quickly. I am surprised that you listen to it, given our "shared traits." However, since you have lived among humans much longer than I have, I suppose it is logical to submit my case to your greater knowledge. I hope that I can trust your discretion.

It is true that Nyota and I have encountered some obstacles to the continuance of our romantic relationship. While I have asserted on various occasions that I love her, not an easy concession for me to make, as I am sure you are aware, she tells me that this is not the case. In accordance with this belief, she has temporarily terminated our involvement. She called it "needing some space."

I do not pretend to understand her reasoning. She claims it is intuition that led her to believe that I do not love her, despite my assertions to the contrary. She also claims that I care more for the captain's well-being than hers, and that he and I are more attuned to each other than Nyota and I are. I fail to understand how it can be anything other than advantageous that a captain and his first officer be attuned to each other. Given my limited knowledge of humans and their emotions, I welcome any light you have to shed on this matter.

Regards,  
>Commander Spock<p> 


	9. Chapter 9

Jim stared at his monitor glumly. _So Old Spock won't tell me what's going on_, he thought. _I guess I'll have to find out myself_. With a sigh, he got up from his terminal and made his way to Spock's quarters. It was a short walk, since Spock lived in the cabin right next to him. By the time he reached the door, Jim realized that he had no idea what to say. For several minutes he stood there, fist poised to knock, without having any epiphanies. Finally he decided he would just make it up as he went a long. It had worked for him before, in combat situations. He knocked.

A moment later, the doors swished open and Jim entered. Spock was sitting at his terminal looking unsurprised to see him. Spock stood and walked over to Jim, clasping his hands behind his back.

"Captain," he said. "What brings you here, at this hour?"

Jim winced and glanced at his chronometer. It was 2300. A little late. He still didn't know what to say.

After an uncomfortable silence during which Spock just looked at him, Jim began. "So, um," he said. "I wrote to Old—I mean, your counterpart."

"Indeed," said Spock, raising an eyebrow. "He tells me you have been prying into my personal affairs."

"I wasn't prying!" said Jim. "I was just...worried. And when I heard from Bones that—"

"Am I to understand that Dr. McCoy is also aware of the situation involving Lieutenant Uhura and myself?" asked Spock.

"Well...yes," said Jim reluctantly. "But it's not like he was prying either! He was minding his own business in sickbay when Uhura came bursting in asking where his stash was. So they got trashed together and she ended up saying some things that she might not have said otherwise. Bones figured I ought to know what was going on, since I'm captain and all and need to know if something is adversely affecting my crew, so he told me." Jim paused. "_Is_this adversely affecting my crew?"

Spock seemed taken aback at Jim's concern. Jim thought he ought to feel insulted by that.

"Clearly, I cannot speak for Lieutenant Uhura," said Spock slowly, "but I do not believe the circumstances are adversely affecting me."

"What about that time in sickbay?" Jim asked. "Was that due to…relationship troubles?"

"To which incident are you referring?"

"You know," said Jim, fidgeting. "I had just gotten rescued from those Gorn terrorists, and was out for a couple of days from the heatstroke, and Bones said you were there the entire time, and then you freaked out after I woke up? That time?"

Spock stiffened. "I most certainly did not 'freak out,' Captain."

"Jim. We're off duty. And you're evading the question."

"That was not due to 'relationship troubles,' Captain—Jim," said Spock. "I do not know what that was due to. To be honest, I had hoped it would go unnoticed. It was most unseemly. Now both you and Nyota have pointed it out to me."

"Uhura noticed too?" said Jim. "Oh God, is she going to kill me?"

"Kill you?" Spock inquired. "Why would she wish to kill you?"

"Well, not literally. Maybe literally. Probably literally. But, um, you know. Because," Jim felt himself blushing. Blushing! Kirks _never_ blushed! "Because you have…feelings…for…um…" He trailed off. "Me."

Spock just stood there for a long moment, staring at him. _Ohgod_, Jim thought. _He's going to nerve pinch me into the next life, isn't he._

"I do not understand," said Spock.

Jim pinched the bridge of his nose, screwed up his courage (he was a Kirk, goddammit! He had a legacy to uphold!), and stepped forward. Into Spock's personal space. Spock raised his eyebrows at him as if to say, "What the hell, Captain?" but did not back away.

"Like…this," said Jim, pressing his lips to Spock's.


	10. Chapter 10

Commander Spock,

I am surprised to hear you used the term "love" to describe your relationship with Lieutenant Uhura. As you say, it is quite an admission for us. Perhaps it is not helpful now, given this information, but I relay to you the advice of the Terran poet Rabindranath Tagore, advice that I wish I had been given when I was your age; it might have saved me much time: "A mind all logic is like a knife all blade; it makes the hand bleed that wields it." It might be that the good lieutenant senses the "mind all logic" in you, and believes that your words of love are merely rational descriptors of an emotional state, rather than declarations of devotion "from the heart." I would advise making it clear, in future, which one they are. Humans generally do not wish to hear that another's emotions toward them are experiments or phenomena to be examined closely, "like slides under a goddamn microscope," as I have heard one human put it. They want feelings to be felt and not interrogated for their meaning, chemical makeup, and evolutionary purpose. I know that this is against our nature, but in my own past I have counted it as an acceptable and even necessary adjustment to make in order to maintain the relationships I valued most. It is particularly essential for the most important of all relationships: the romantic one, which you presently share with Lieutenant Uhura. If you can do so, and if you wish to continue your romantic relationship with her, I advise "baring your heart" to her on this occasion.

Best wishes,  
>Spock<p> 


	11. Chapter 11

_Well, that went well_, thought Jim. Spock had all but kicked him out of his quarters after an admittedly pretty hot kiss that Spock had really seemed into at first, if Jim was reading him right (and Jim was _definitely_ reading him right). Maybe it was the Uhura thing. Spock probably didn't want to get involved with someone while the fate of their relationship was still in doubt. But, you know, they were on a break. Surely there was no harm in fooling around a bit until things were decided one way or another? Okay, maybe there was a little harm. But could you blame Jim for trying? Spock was _hot_. And it was pretty clear, to Jim at least, that he liked him. That way. You know. Especially clear after that kiss.


	12. Chapter 12

There was another message from the ambassador waiting for Spock at his terminal. Spock ignored it and began composing a new one.

Ambassador, [it read]

Captain Kirk made unwanted advances on my person tonight. He said he had been communicating with you, and that he had surmised that I harbored romantic feelings toward him. Is there a correlation between these two facts? Did you encourage his belief? If so, you were mistaken. I do not harbor romantic feelings toward the captain, and never have.

[At this point, Spock decided to read the message the ambassador had sent him, in case it contained any relevant information. It did not, but he thought it best to address it anyway.]

Additionally, [he continued] I confess I am surprised to discover that you became in the habit of sharing your feelings with anyone, much less Doctor McCoy, as I assume is indicated by the use of the phrase "like slides under a goddamn microscope." I find it unlikely that I will do so myself. Have you abandoned the Vulcan ways entirely, to recommend that I "bare my heart" and resist examining my own emotional responses?

Regards,

Commander Spock


	13. Chapter 13

Spock tries to reconcile with Nyota. However, he makes the mistake of coming clean about Jim kissing him. She goes "Aha! So that's what it is between you two. Okay, it's over now." And obviously she's jealous.


	14. Chapter 14

The big reveal. Spock Prime to Spock: It is your destiny to fall in love with Jim Kirk. At least, it was mine.


	15. Chapter 15

Another mission gone wrong. This time, with EMOTIONAL DISINHIBITORS! THAT'S PROBABLY NOT A WORD!


	16. Chapter 16

Spock awkwardly tries to seduce Jim. Success! (SPOCK'S RATIONALE? OMG SEX POLLEN LOLOLOLOL)

"I don't believe in destiny."

sex!


	17. Chapter 17

When he bothered to think about it, McCoy thought of himself by his last name. Thank God Jim hadn't colonized him that far. The day he started calling himself "Bones" was the day he asked for a transfer off this damn ship. Find a planet, settle down, maybe even get married again. It wouldn't be right to be so far gone for his captain, for his best friend, that he couldn't even stake out the inside of his brain as his own private territory.

Still, he couldn't stop himself from replaying certain scenes in his mind now and then, at weak moments.

"Jim?" he had asked as the drunk cadet leaned in and nuzzled his neck sleepily, like a cat. Jim's hand slipped down to his inner thigh, slid up to caress the bulge at the place where his legs met. "What in the seven hells do you think you're doing?" he hissed.

"Bones, don't you want me?" murmured Jim, looking at McCoy through half-lidded eyes. "Everybody wants me," said Jim sadly, turning away.

"You're drunk," said McCoy. "You shouldn't be doing this." He brushed away the hand clumsily attempting to unbutton his pants, ignoring the little voice in his head that whined at the loss of contact.

" 'M not drunk," said Jim drunkenly. " 'M fine. I hacked into your security systems to get in here, didn't I?"

"What?" McCoy almost shouted. "I thought you schmoozed up to my roommate or something, got him to give you the code. I'm going to have to pay for a new lock. Thanks."

"So grumpy, Bones," said Jim. His hand caressed McCoy's chest through his shirt. McCoy felt his face heat.

"Stop that, Jim," he said half-heartedly. Surprisingly, Jim's hand obediently stopped moving. Jim slid off the bed to kneel between McCoy's legs, laying his head on one of his thighs.

"This better?" he queried, looking up and sideways at McCoy.

"Jim..." said McCoy, but he could protest no more. His body's demands were overtaking his ability to reason well. It had been a long time. Since long before the divorce.

Jim lifted his head to look inquiringly at him.

"Okay," breathed McCoy, so softly he wasn't sure Jim heard it.

But apparently he had. The blowjob was terrible, and wonderful; endless but over too soon. He remembered every detail: the way Jim's teeth scratched lightly over the head; coming with a quiet cry into Jim's mouth; cum dribbling slightly down Jim's chin. Kissing him afterward, messy and rough.

McCoy made sure to button up his pants afterward, and wipe down Jim's face (he had already fallen over on the bed, dead to the world; otherwise McCoy would have returned the favor—he was a gentleman, after all).

When Jim woke up the next morning, he seemed to remember nothing, and McCoy acted as if it hadn't happened.

McCoy took another long swig out of the whiskey bottle, trying to drown the memories. So Jim was with Spock now. Now there was an unwieldy concept to wrap your head around. The idea that anyone could see anything in that cold-minded bastard was nigh on-but that was the bitterness talking. It was okay, McCoy told himself. That was just a sign that it wouldn't last. It was only attraction, no different from all the others Jim had slept with over the years. The real worry had been the way the two of them had been becoming friends. But that was over now that they were lovers, and McCoy had no reason to think he was going to lose his best friend.

Right?


	18. Chapter 18

Nyota jealous, confronts Kirk, bonds with McCoy over their jealousy. Scotty interrupts their bonding by being jovial and all "I love alcohol! Drinks all around!" et cetera. I don't even know.


	19. Chapter 19

Mission gone wrong again. Because they always go wrong. This time involving Romulans, and maybe McCoy gets captured this time? and Uhura saves him? Or Kirk saves him, and there's awkward unresolved sexual tension between them that Kirk isn't even aware of and Uhura recognizes it and realizes she's jealous.


	20. Chapter 20

Spock jealous of McCoy/Uhura, conflicted


	21. Chapter 21

Jim freaking out to Bones about his relationship with Spock


	22. Chapter 22

Jim to Spock Prime: Um, so that happened.


	23. Chapter 23

Spock to Spock Prime: Your prediction was correct.


	24. Chapter 24

Spock Prime to Spock: I thought so.


End file.
